Creation Process

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Creation Process

Music Production:

Anxiety:

Techno sounds that resemble insects makes me cringe and become anxious because this sound can start to hurt my ears. I thought the first layer of sound was reflective of that. It was also continuous, which portrayed the feeling of something constantly bugging you.
I keep adding layers of sounds that don’t go together because that’s what anxiety feels like for me. It’s overwhelming because responsibilities, stress, and negative thoughts just continue piling on, which makes me want to explode.
I thought the second layer of sound was extremely ominous sounding, which represents the anxiety setting in and letting me know that a downward spiral or panic attack is about to begin.
The third layer was also another techno sound that I did not enjoy listening to. It also had its own separate rhythm that did not go well with the first layer, which also had its own unique rhythm, so they did not mesh whatsoever. However, that was purposeful.
I added more insect sounds to amplify the annoyance and loudness that anxiety can bring
The fifth layer was a repetitive low-toned techno sound that represented an alarm, which makes sense for me because personally, alarms make me anxious and notify me that I have to do something immediately.
For the sixth layer, I added some echoey bells that come in every now and then to symbolize the random anxious thoughts or tendencies that flare up when I’m experiencing an anxious spiral.
The last layer is also a very strange techno sound that made me feel nervous because it demanded my immediate attention and was overwhelming to listen to.
I eventually started to reverse my additions of layers and began reducing the sounds one by one because that is representational of what it’s like to calm down, deescalate my anxiety, and return to my “normal” state of being which always has at least one layer of anxiety. So, I chose to end the piece with the first layer, which remained constant throughout the entirety of the song as well.

Loss:

This piece is all in a minor key because I wanted to incorporate dissonance, since I find it fairly off-putting and not very satisfying at all. I associate that sound with feelings of mourning, loss, and deep sadness because for me, when I experience those emotions something feels off or wrong, which is exactly what emotion dissonance and minor keys express in my opinion.
I also implemented some strings because I think that is the most prominent instrument I associate with loss and grief. I think this because it has the strong capability of tugging at your own heart strings and usually makes me want to weep almost instantly, especially when it is in a super high pitch.
My reason for including brass was because I think a low toned brass instrument gives this strained and harsh sound that has a very forceful nature, and I thought it made the piece sound deeper and gave it more texture.
The purpose of the voices were to just make the overall piece sound more ominous and dark.

Love:

Something that remained fairly consistent throughout my research and active listening of music was this sense of bounciness, especially with a piano. I think is an accurate idea of love and happiness because there’s a sense of giddiness and excitement and that can be related to a bounce.
The percussion was sort of a call and response and a representation of when your heart skips a beat whenever you are with the person you love, especially in the beginning of relationships when it’s all new.
The harp is an instrument that I personally feel connected to when I think of love or some type of euphoria. I think the lightness of it is so inviting, magical, and ethereal to me.
Towards the end of the piece, I wanted to slow it down and just have the harp play to emphasis that lightness even more as well as to show a sense of sweet tenderness. This portion is about reflecting on myself when I’m alone and replaying the fond memories in my head with the person I'm in love with. Everything goes away for a moment and it’s just him and that’s why you only hear one instrument.

I utilized this MIDI controller that I bought off amazon to create my sounds through an app on my MacBook called GarageBand. It plugs into my laptop, so it syncs up with the software and produces sounds from the app's sound library, which is quite extensive.

Overall this was the most challenging portion of my project because I severely underestimated how much time it was going to take me. I did not realize how incredibly difficult it was to translate emotion into sound. I over-analyzed every choice and became way too critical. However, it helped me learn more about myself and how I work best when it comes to creating music. I am not a musician by any means, but I wanted to push myself by doing something out of my comfort zone.

Choreography:

I began by gathering research and personal observations that would later help to inform my choreographic choices. For example, I journaled about what each emotion made me feel and what words/characteristics I associated with them. I also read multiple scholarly articles and watched TedTalks that discussed the relationship and connections between music, emotions, and movement. With this wealth of knowledge, I would then begin to improvise in silence and explore movements that arise from thinking about and processing my own feelings of love, loss, and anxiety. I wrote down actions I have done or seen others do while being in love, grieving and mourning, and having horrible anxiety episodes and panic attacks. These were all vital during the creation of my gestures and phrases within each work.

Once I finished my music, I improvised to it so that I could see how my body would react to the sounds I created that amplified my own emotions. This was super fun for me because it felt like a pure form of expression that could not be communicated with words. I would record these sessions, re-watch, and then write down or re-film movements that I wanted to keep exploring. I also sent my music to my roommate, Bridget Donovan, who then improvised to each song. I wanted to see how someone else may interpret my sound scores, and if they would be similar reactions to my own. From watching her movement, I received new ideas that I deeply related to, which also helped to solidify my own thoughts and feelings about my work. Afterwards, I continued to improvise and film sections of movement that I believed were honest and appropriate choices. I would film multiple versions and pick which one I liked best. Those choices turned into phrases, which I then sewed together to morph them into a complete choreographic piece.

Filming:

This portion was definitely an afterthought, or at least on the lower region of my priority list. I felt as though I did not have enough time or the best resources to produce a high-quality film, so it was more so just used as a medium to display my music and movements. However, I looked at it with a different perspective and began to think that it made my project look a bit more mundane and raw, which is something that I was aiming for. I had my best friend and roommate, Cameron Barrett, help me with filming my loss and love pieces. She has had experience with professional photography and videography with a company called Wisconsin and Gold. She gave me some helpful suggestions and ideas about what might work and look best.

For loss, I wanted a low angle because for me, I feel lower about myself when I’m in the process of grieving and healing. I find comfort and groundedness while being on the floor. I also incorporated one moving circular camera shot because I thought that represented the cycle of grieving, mourning, and processing because it seems to be never-ending and continuous. For love, I wanted to start closer to the camera to display a sense of intimacy and to emphasize the use of my hands. I then decided to have the camera shift backwards to capture all my movements as best as possible. I did not want it to be too frontal because it was supposed to look like someone was just observing me daydreaming about fond memories. For anxiety, I wanted a low level as well to reflect how small anxiety makes me feel. This angle also helped to make one of my visions come to life. As I descended the stairs, I wanted to gradually become cut off to show myself sinking and going deeper into my downward emotional spiral that was caused by anxiety. I thought that symbolized my decline in mental health as well as made it more interesting to watch. Then, when I came back up the steps, that represented me collecting myself and calming down.

My pieces did not require much editing because my filming sessions were all continuous. I added filters over each video to amplify the feelings and aesthetics. For instance, I put a filter called bleach bypass on anxiety because I thought it enhanced the shadows and made the video look more ominous. I also added a blue filter to my loss piece because I associate sadness with the color blue, and it made the work look darker, which I thought worked well with what I was trying to portray. Lastly, I put a vintage filter on love because it gave the setting a warmer tone, which I thought was appropriate for the feelings of love.